SQUIRREL

Guest submission  by Robin L.

Dear Diary,

Let's go back a month or
So... When a Mom is done! Like worse than an overcooked cafeteria steak. D-O-N-E! Done done done!

Stick a fork in me, roll me to the edge of the house and let me wallow in self pity. Done! Yep, you get the point. Ok now backstory...

I'm a few months into a deployment, my 10th to be exact- but hey who's counting? (Ah yah, this girl right...) I'm exhausted, drained, happy, sad, upset, pissed off, pleased, content all in one big fucking ball.
But every day i wake up- new day new challenge smiles and let's do this!

I'm not one to complain or moan or groan but dammit- I'm PMS'ing for the 3rd time in years (pregnant + breastfeeding = 32 months no period- yay me! Not!) all those emotions come back with a vengeance! A big bitchy vengeance. Didn't miss you Aunt Flo- go back on vacation.

Today was one of "those days" it's like a downward spiral of shit gone wrong.

Kids up. Out the door, day with toddler feeling like a rockstar! Woohoo I got this! Off to get free broken pottery, 2 yr old in tow, load the car, run to Walmart for a "quick trip" easily spend $100, toddler had a holy screaming fit in the checkout- how the hell did that happen? Well crap! Now I'm "that lady" who can't control her screaming toddler! Screw you check out number 5! You have no idea what my life is like and honestly if he's screaming for 5-10 mins it means that I've tried every damn thing and trick from my Mary popping mom bag; to include gummy candies, broken saltines, gum, money, my cell phone and nothing, I repeat NOTHING WORKED! So here I sit in your line! With a screaming yelling pissed off toddler! As you sweat bullets I quickly load the conveyor belt and try- I mean "try" to look like I've got this- in the mean time I want to run- kick scream and throw myself on the floor in complete madness and humility too!

We get out successfully and now we endure the 15-20 minutes of screaming bloody murder all the way home! Because at this point I have a headache as does my toddler and my eye begins to twitch because of my anxiety. Ugh! It's 5 o'clock somewhere right?

At home I get him inside, quickly try and nurse thinking sweet Jesus he WILL NAP! He had to he must be exhausted! Ah! Nope he speed nurses and as I try to lay him down he wakes up and starts screaming all over agin! Oh holy shit! Ok think think think.... Toddler happy, toddler likes Mac n cheese! Yes that's it! I start the boiling water and thanks to Pinterest have found out you don't have to wait for it to boil, so boom mom for the win! Noodles on and we step into the garage.

Then I see car and think oh shit that's right I have pottery I can load into my pool side yard! So we take a few wagon loads over! Yay, this is working he's happy I'm happy yay! We successfully unload everything! Go inside and open the door!

OMG! What is that smell, loud beeping? More loud beeping? Oh shit shit shit! It's the pasta......

Run to the stove smoke everywhere! Turn off stove, add water to pan and put a lid on it, fan on, open back door, kid  on hip, oh shit.... The beep what the hell is the beep!? It's MY ALARM- my house ALARM! Oh dear god... Run fidget with numbers and cancel.... Or so I thought! Open garage door- aunt Clo (who's visiting) says what's the beeping? Ha ha ha..... Just as a FIRETRUCK arrives at my driveway!! Then another!! Oh dear god! This is not happening!

Not only was my house alarm notifying fireman and the smoke alarms were blaring, my deployed husband kept getting alerts via text messaging and email from the alarm system saying that the alarm has been on acknowledged at home please contact the proper authorities. And as he's blowing up my phone trying to call me it's currently in the house where the smoke is happening on the charger because it completely died in the hysterics of the Walmart checkout line. So you can only imagine how that phone call went later after my has been was finally reassured his house nor his family were burning inside!
After observation & the layer of smoke that was clearly in the house we did evacuate they opened doors and windows and pushed the "bad air" out! Ugh! Wth this so it! I'm done! Exhausted! Over worked underpaid! Done!

We shoot the shit, make small talk and I say hey well guess I started your Friday off with a bang? Ha ha I'm sure they didn't find it as funny as I did but I was really trying to prevent from crying.

House gets all clear! Firefighters leave, neighbors come to check on us, they get a good laugh with me now. I crack open a beer! Much deserved after that theatrical performance!

My 2 older  Kids come home, "mom why does the house smell like
Fire?" I laugh and explain....

we do the usual pick up this & that, take care of backpacks, lunch boxes, get your snack, watch one tv show and then it's homework! Back to business. 1 mom 3 kids here we go. It's like what you've read on the meme's moms with kids have the mentally to juggle 15.12785 million things at once & SQUIRREL!
Well yes! That's exactly it.

Now what's for dinner? Who's
Cooking? Oh that's right, me!

                                             Honestly Mommy

**About Robin**
 Millitary wife, lived here a year (the last 7 spent on Japan- loved every minute of it) mom of 3 boys whom are non stop! But wouldn't change a thing!

Enjoy Every day, every minute, every memory! That's all we've got.